| im getting really fucking sick of this shit |
[22 Nov 2008|01:12am] |
First of all what the fuck has happened to my livejournal. Christ I can't be bothered fixing that.
I hate myself truely and fully. Why can't I just be normal without making everything awkward to the point where people dont want to know me anymore. I've met so many fucking people these past weeks and i fucked up with all of them. I'm totally incapable of making new friends and I'm a fucking freak when it comes to intimacy.
My confidence has gone completely now, I really have none left at all. And it's noones fault but my own. I can't look myself in the mirror and I'm afraid to talk to anyone except my closest friends.
I'm posting this here because I don't use LJ and no one will see it, I just need to get this shit of my fucking god damn chest before I do something stupid
fuck ijrergj
Someone please help me
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[02 Aug 2007|11:44am] |
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I can't do this forever
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[08 Jun 2005|01:42am] |
Ive been tagged by Robyn! my 6 fave songs..
1) Dream Theater - The Glass Prison
2) Black Label - Just Killing Time
3) Gutworm - What you are
4) Dream Theater - In the Name of God
5) H.I.M - Buried Alive by Love
6) Superjoint Ritual - Fuck your Enemy
;D!!
I havnt updated in so long :x all thats been happening is boring exams :( But - its getting even closer, the big event, just 1 month to go :D i'l be living in dreams x
Current things ive been doing - Hella load of guitar practise, writing music, programming my morpg :D
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| she said yes!!! |
[01 May 2005|01:00am] |
well its about time i did an update again :) so how am i feeling? g-r-e-a-t! :D i feel all special nowadays, i like how i feel like anything is possible and the future looks so optimistic. ive got exams coming up though :/ closer than i expect.. and when i finally get round to revising they'l be the day after and stuff -_- i always do that...
i havnt got round to making my ebay account yet -_- has anyone ever sold anything on it before? i might need some help *noobie* :)
me and my lady are officially together now - even though we were kindof in a relationship anyway :$ its so beautiful.. she says this too - its like a fairytale! i could seriously spend a whole day just telling her how special she is.. *happy sighs*
well ive found out that im not very good at writing journals and stuff because i always run out of things to say :x
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[24 Apr 2005|04:18pm] |
Pick ONE word from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments.
Then copy this and post it in your own journal to see how your friends view you.
* dominant or submissive
* logical or intuitive
* social or loner
* kinky or vanilla
* cute or sophisticated
* kitten or puppy
* warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
* leader or follower
* quiet or talkative
* spontaneous or planned
* teddy bear or porcelain doll
* hiking or window shopping
* tequila or vodka
* top or bottom
* bare foot or shoes
* jeans or slacks
* tender or rough
* aware or dreamy
* nerd or jock
:D i stole this from robyn *compensates with cookies*
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| Inspired? |
[23 Apr 2005|08:44pm] |
So ive had time to think about my future lots today. I frequently wonder what profession im aiming for, and i feel like im getting closer to making up my mind. However, i really do need to start by getting good grades this summer in AS levels, or else im getting thrown out of college x.x so if i do get beyong that, im going to be trying to get in a uni to study finance or something business related. Its been my ultimate goal for a while to own my own bussiness (a good one) but im not quite sure how im going to get there yet. Also, i really want to get my own place. Im getting a bit tired of living at home now, too many restrictions on what i want to do. I'l probably be living there for another few years yet, but i think i should start thinking about how im going to support myself when i get out. Firstly, i need a bank account - i may go get one on wednesday after college. Im also going to try and start selling a load of crap on ebay to earn a bit of £, but mostly for the experience of getting invoices and trading etc etc
yeh, i suppose im just a little bored :/ OH! i have *possibly* got a new guitar, just waiting for the guy to email me back with payment details. If this goes well i should have one awesomeee mother fucking beast and it'l help with band practise a lot - different tuning and stuff. Hurry up time!!! i want to meet my lady robyn most of alll x
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| Because its TODAY!! |
[22 Apr 2005|10:17am] |
im not quite sure whats today but :) it feels good though ^.^ im at college all bored, free lesson blah blah :/ im feel excited for something, im not quite sure what :/ i think its because im hoping someone will be happy tomorow, or i might be able to get this cheap guitar off ebay XD
yeh, so things are getting better, thankyou to my sweetheart :) x and friends that have helped. bring on the summerr!!!
plus i need to buy a good microphone, im sick of crappy quality -.-
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| Is this really me? |
[11 Mar 2005|12:04am] |
So many mixed feelings today, both good and bad. I'l start with the bad so we get a happy ending.
I dont really know where to start, im feeling kindof lost and mis directioned at the moment, still trying to get used to a lot of changes. Truth is its been so long since ive truely felt myself ive forgotton who i used to be and how i used to act. Ive lost a lot of people in the past few months, its killing me *whine whine*. Ive tried to make new friend but bah i cant do it for some reason - i think they dont like me and such, maybe im doing something wrong? i feel like ive tried everything, every approach, but nothing seems to be working for me. You know how your life stands still sometimes? i feel like its still right now, and i cant progress no matter what i do. I havnt felt that sense of achievement at all in the last few months either, it feels like im getting no where. Things seem to be slacking, my college work in particular. ive got into so many bad habits with work its unbelievable, and this has lead to my crappy AS results :/ i need to be rescued *desperate*
on a brighter note, our band won Battle of the Bands yesterday. it was my first performance so i was nervous as fuck, but it got better the more we played. the crowd didnt really appreciate the metal, most of them being dissapointed that the oasis band didnt win.. to hell with them. i hope this leads to better things in the future, thanks to all those who actually enjoyed our set!!
i'l stop rambling on now, but at elast im using my LJ :) x
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| im back today :D! |
[08 Mar 2005|12:51am] |
Hey ladies & gentlemen, i finally got back to livejournal :) wow, so much has changed since my last post!
Firstly i would like to thank my uber friend Robyn for making me this black label skin for my LJ, its amazing and im so impressed with her skills :D she's the bees knees! x
Im in a band now, prog metal-ish one. We started a few months back but we dont have a name yet :/ its me on rythm guitar, tom martin in lead guitar, seb coleman on drums and adam steele on bass/vocals. We have a set at Battle of the Bands at my college on wednesday - should be fun! we're doing a dream theater cover - pull me under, iron maiden - run to the hills and one of our own songs, hope it goes ok!
I get my AS reslts on thursday, the 3 i took in january, im kinda worried :/ but i can resit them if need be.. i'l be fine... *is not reassured and still worries*
Im kindof going through a rough patch atm in the world of t0m, lots of things changing and im just trying to fix things up :) should be ok again in a few months! not to mention ive had the same bloody cold for weeks on end :/
Well thats all for today, thanks again to Lady Robyn for being ever so kind for making me this thing :) and for being her in general!
Random piece of advice from t0m - don't get in strangers cars!
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| huge rar! |
[17 Aug 2004|01:14am] |
ph33r! im hungry hehe. ooo html? i could add some media...lemme try this :D
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| wh teh fug!?!?!11oneone |
[13 Aug 2004|12:56am] |
not a lot happening right now, emily on holiday, bored, just spending most my time writing music. I need someone to work with, i cant get all the drums etc. on my own :/ my most recent composition has a my first solo in it so im kinda happy that im actually getting somewhere :)
my mums still ill so things are going slowly in the house, well gay.
working more on my rpg, its the furthest ive ever got with making a game. the programming is really easy, i have no prob with that, but its the damn graphics that are taking so much of my f**king time, so im just keeping them simple n stuff hehe. might make a new website for that.
well just finished cleaning around the living room, damn marigolds XD
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| ;) |
[10 Aug 2004|02:15pm] |
hey, ive just joined livejournal and wow i have nothing to talk about! just getting to grips with all the buttons and stuff, not completely sure how to work this thing and make it look sexy like everyone esles *sigh* ah well :)
atm im really bored and my girlfriend is on holiday and i miss her terribly, she comes home sooner than i thought though because she changed her flight yay :)
i met these lovely people from dorset, robyn and teya, who suggested this thing to me hehe. they're very kind and look after me well.
ive hardly had any sleep tonight, so im going to be talking a lot of crap, apologies in advance.
take care x
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